Little did I know when I started down the path that my life would take that I would end up here celebrating 3 years of sobriety.  It wouldn’t be drugs or alcohol but something that I never dreamed would become a stumbling block in my life.  I would  have never imagined that watching movies that had sex scenes in them and reading graphic romance novels would put me in a position to consider throwing away the wonderful family and circle of friends that he has given me.
   It started so innocently with a friend from high school reading a part of romance novel that she was reading.  I was a Christian, but Satan used that little event to start breaking me down. It was sexually explicit and it had grabbed my interest.  I would become more and more secretive over the years and eventually would wait until my husband went to bed to look at the stuff coming in the email and watching late night trash TV.  I also discovered that I could use this (what I would learn to admit is an addiction) to run from the problems of life that I didn’t want to deal with.  A lot had happen to me and I blamed God and everyone else for my choices.  As a child, I was emotionally and verbally abused to the point that I thought I was worthless.  I started to look for love wherever I thought that I could find it. I dated several less than God-fearing men including one that would rape me during our dating relationship.  It was so bad for me emotionally that I blocked the whole memory out for years.  It was only after I moved out of the state and was married to a truly godly man that I would start to heal.  I still had to come to the realization that I was responsible for the way I reacted to the events of my life.  
After hearing someone else’s story I finally asked for help.  Help would come in many forms but the one that seemed to offer the most ongoing support was being introduced to the 12 STEPS FOR CHRISTIANS.  I would learn over time that the group is for anyone that has something that is keeping them from having a closer relationship with God including pornography.  By the time the first meeting was over I was in tears and the group was praying for me.  That started me down another path that would lead me back to Christ and to the support of people that I need even to this day.   My hope is that anyone who reads this and heeds the warning that pornography will only leave your life in ruins. But God is there to see you through whatever may come your way. He is ready to forgive you whatever you have done and he loves you more than you can ever imagine.  You are precious in his sight and God only wants to give you the best.
Surrendering all that you have to Jesus will bring the healing to your heart and mind and set you on the path that will lead to his many blessing.  He continues to give me healing and he can do the same for you.
Patty G.